Feeling left out?

Too bad. That's good.

I have a large yard that inevitably attracts all the kids in my neighborhood on a sunny day. As summer is progressing, little squabbles continue to erupt as children of multiple ages, boys and girls, try to find mutually agreeable games to play.

My neighbor doesn't like that her son is feeling left out.

*Breathe* When did we (parents) become so involved in participating in our childrens' friendships? When did it become the norm for a parent to confront another parent about something their child has said or done? When I was a kid, it had to be pretty darn bad for another parent to rat you out to your mom. These days, moms are complaining to each other left and right. They're getting involved in disputes. They feel it is "necessary" to talk to another parent about how their child is "feeling."

What the heck happened to kids learning how to deal with these dramas on their own? I am always available to my children as a consultant. I can advise them, suggest that they look at something from another perspective, and even gently nudge them to action. BUT, I will not speak for them. If they have an issue, they will need to learn how to resolve it. I will qualify this by saying that, if at any time their health or safety is threatened, I WILL intervene. If they have tried to resolve a situation (say, a schoolyard bully), and have been unsuccessful, I will assist them in finding a solution.

No, what I'm talking about is parents trying to cushion their children and protect them from this big bad scary world, not wanting them to ever feel sadness, disappointment, etc. The reality is that, as they mature into adults, children who have never learned to cope with things on their own are going to be wholly unprepared to exist in the real world. YES, your child is going to feel left out. YES, your child will experience failure. Attempting to insulate your child so that they never have to feel these things is a disservice to them.

Feeling left out? That sounds like a prime opportunity to examine how a child might cope with this feeling, what they could do differently to avoid the feeling, or whether they have some ownership in events that led up to them feeling that way. Life is not all sunshine and roses, so please stop presenting it that way to your children; otherwise, they are going to be some pretty disillusioned adults who expect everything to be handed to them on a platter. Unless you are planning to continue handing them that platter, it's probably never too early to teach them a lesson or two about life.